Capehart Connection

Aggression, Bullying, Conflict Resolution and Discipline

2010-07-21T19:59:00.004-05:00

(This is reposted from The Moat Blog.)

Well, good morning. Or rather, already-exhausted-from-your-children afternoon! These A,B,C,D’s aren’t very cheery; in fact, they could be perceived as downright depressing. At first look, they may make you want to go back to bed, find a fairy tale version of parenting, and imagine your ending is “and they lived happily ever-after” as you drift off to sleep. We can dream, can’t we? But that isn’t reality, so take a deep breath because life today in the parenting lane is fast. Let’s find some defensive driving tips.

A: Alertness, attention, and awareness. As a parent, you have to be alert to the dangers of the potential aggression coming at your child. Before you pull on your Momma and Poppa Bear gloves and get ready to fight, let’s assess first.

Aggression abounds in our culture. Pay attention to the messages your child may be getting from television, commercials, video games, and even friends.

Be alert and establish a bully-free environment in your own home by cultivating a spirit in your family that communicates the message, “I love you, trust you, hear you, value you, respect you, believe in you, and am here for you. I want you to feel safe.”

Set a zero-tolerance level on bullying by holding your child accountable for offensive behaviors, enforcing appropriate repercussions related to offenses, and providing opportunities for your child to make amends.

Monitor aggressive video games, movies and television programs, social relationships, music, and music videos.

B: Bullies, Bystanders, and the Bullied. There is an excellent book, The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander by Barbara Coloroso. I heartily recommend it for parents. Sometimes we are so busy looking for the big bad bully who might hurt our child that we neglect to look in our own backyard. Of course, we are sure our child could never be the bully. This book gently helps you look for signs in case it is your child. Gulp. I know, time to get another cup of coffee.

But, bystander? That is the one we tend not to think about, the child who stands by and lets a bully go after a friend as your child stands amongst the other fearful onlookers, doing nothing about it. This book addresses the signs of this passivity and what to do about it.

And, of course, the bullied, which is every parent’s worst nightmare. What to do, how to handle it, and where to go for help. June Hunt and I address the complexities of this issue in our book Bonding with Your Teen through Boundaries to be released this August.

C: Connections, Communication, and Conflict Resolution. Everyone wants to feel connected—it is one of our primary needs. So, we communicate. And because we are human, we sometimes have conflicts. It’s a conundrum.

Kay is ‘right on’ with the Moat Blog! One of the keys to success is providing Table Talk for your family. Communicate at the table. Allow each person to share about their day—the highs and the lows. Encourage your children to be detectives. “Look for ways in which television, commercials, billboards, video games and even your friends, tried to get your thinking to go a certain way. What did they want you to think? Do you actually agree with it? What do you believe? Why?” You want your children to have convictions and be able to defend and articulate what they believe.

Conflict resolution is a life skill. If we teach it to our children when they are young, we can help them to not resort to being a bully with their hands or words in order to get what they want.

D: Discipline, Decide, and Determine. Oh dear, there’s that pesky word…discipline. That’s the part of our parental job description we would like to skip right over, isn’t it? But when we decide to establish boundaries with the issues that are important, and determine consequences for crossing over those boundaries, parenting can become more joyful.

Let’s say that your little cherubs have decided to be bullies with their fists or words. Or, you discover that your teen is using the computer or cell phone to ruin someone’s reputation via cyberspace. These actions require strong responses on your part, not emotional reactions, but carefully thought-through responses.

Decide on a consequence for each that is related to the deed. The purpose of a consequence is to retrain the brain and transform the heart. For the little one who used his fists to get a point across, he must now find three ways to use his hands to help, serve, and love that person.

For the little darlin’ who used her words to gossip and malign, she needs to go out of her way to use her words to encourage and edify that person.

The teen needs to know that you will have a Sherlock Holmes mindset, that you will inspect what you expect. Cell phones, texting, and computer trails may be followed at a moment’s notice. But most important is the heart. Help your teen towards sincere repentance and restitution with the other person.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139: 23-24 ESV)

Be a proactive parent. Model for your children and teens the behaviors you want by showing them kindness, being considerate, expressing unconditional love, and listening attentively. Establish boundaries that are defined, fair, clearly communicated, and consistently enforced in a respectful manner. Create a home in which you are attentive to aggression, establishing boundaries, teaching communication skills, and providing desirable discipline. You can do it, one step at a time…

Big Bear Hugs to All You Dads on Father's Day

2010-06-19T15:26:00.003-05:00

What images, thoughts, expectations and memories do the words “Father’s Day” conjure up in your mind? The Lord blessed me with the most fun, loving, gentle father in the world. I went on to marry a fun, wise man that loves and supports me completely. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t praise the Lord for these gifts that keep on giving. As a counselor, I see many damaged people who never experienced the unconditional love of a good father. If you are one, please know that I am so sorry for your loss. I prayed about your response to this blog. Would it encourage you to know it is possible? Or, discourage you to know what you have missed? My prayer is that you can be encouraged to know that good fathers do exist. For now, I want to share “Chet” with you. There is enough of “Chet” to go around for everyone!

My Funny, Faithful Father

Chet is my father. He was raised by two very opposite people, as is the case of most marriages. My grandmother was a quiet, introverted woman who often sat quietly with the Bible in her lap, praying. By the time I was old enough to get to know her, she had lost most of her sight and hearing. But she still sat with the Bible in her lap, praying. That is a separate Mother’s Day story. For closure purposes now, it took me until I was 60 years old to realize the incredible legacy she left me, the power of her prayers. How many of my positive life choices have been as a result of her prayers? I may not know until eternity. But, let’s get back to Chet for now.

Chet’s father, my grandfather was a good man. But he was an alcoholic, which made him not be the good man he was when he wasn’t drinking. That is all I will say for now. My dad’s older brother followed in his foot-steps. My father did not. When my grandfather would leave for long periods of time, food became scarce. At one time, my grandmother said to my father, “I can’t care for you any longer. I have no money. You will need to find your own way.” He was 14.

My Dad, being my Dad, made the best of it. He worked in farms wherever he could find work. Of course, he had to drop out of school. I remember him saying, “Sometimes I would wake up with snow on me, I would just shake it off and get to work.” Yes, he had slept in a barn. Did I mention this was in MinneSNOWta? There was never a hint of resentment in his voice. That was the way it was and he shared it with a positive life lesson, as he always did with everything.

When my oldest brother, who was the brainier of the family was taking what we would now call AP math classes and needed a little help with his homework, Dad would help him with Calculus. How could he, with only a very rural 8th grade education? Alan, my brother, went on to get a Ph.D. in statistics, and Al and Dad would sit around talking about “math”. It was only many years later when I became a learning styles specialist did it dawn on me that my Dad had what Dr. Howard Gardner would call “Logical Mathematical Intelligence”. He simply had it. Even without an education, he was brilliant in math. Both my sons had full math scholarships to a great university. I recognize math intelligence when I see it now. Thank you, Dad.

My Dad worked farms, drove taxi cars, had gas stations and did whatever he could to keep food on the table for his seven children. He never paid a bill late one time in his life. He did not miss work. Some early, cold MinneSNOWta mornings, I would see him sit on the side of the bed, willing himself to get up to shovel out the car to get to work for another 15 hour day. At least he didn’t have to shake the snow off. He never once complained.

My Daddy was the funniest person I know, and certainly the silliest. He knew countless jokes. As adult children, we decided to put a timer on him one day to see how many he knew. We said, “Go” and after 12 hours we realized he was still telling jokes. No one laughed harder than he did after each joke. The man was amazing. We said, “Ok, Dad, you can stop now.” My sister, Bonnie, assembled them into a book called “Chet’s Chuckles”. “Don’tcha know? Dat’s for sickert, yeah sure, and you betcha.” Those aren’t spelled correctly, but that is how he sounded. My Dad was Norwegian. Did I mention he prayed before meals in Norwegian? We have that prayer framed by our dinner table.

The Lord took him home so gently. He loved waffles and ice-cream. He was a man of simple pleasures. He asked my sister, Lynelle, for a Dairy Queen milk-shake. She returned with it, he took a bite, smiled and went to heaven. Now that’s how I want to go. I praise God for taking him the way he lived, gently and kindly.

At his funeral each of us seven children spoke of his humor, wisdom, and gentleness. We sang his favorite song, “Silent Night”, in harmony, just the way he liked it. See you, later, Daddy. Thank you the love and legacy you left behind in your children, 20 grandchildren, and 7 great grandchildren. You are dearly loved.

Fast Forward to My Kids’ Father

My father sowed the seeds for me marrying wisely. My husband has also done some truly amazing things for his children. I will just share just one right now. Our son went on a camping trip over-night with a friend, who had a single mom. When we went to pick him up, he wasn’t there. After waiting, calling, pondering, pacing, praying…we began to panic. Had they been kidnapped? Killed? A single mom with children? This was in the dark ages, you know, B.C. Before Cell (phones).

My son’s father, my husband, drove up to Oklahoma from Texas and spent the night searching the camp grounds. (I wonder how many people he may have frightened?) He finally came home even more afraid. There was no sign of them.

As minister to children, and with two other children of our own, I stayed home. I went to work because it was now Sunday morning. My son walked into church, a little dirty, but happy. Yes, they decided to go to another park and spend an extra night, but the mom had “forgotten” to let us know. That’s a separate story, but since this is about what my son’s father did, we’ll let the story stand on that point. I am blessed beyond measure.

I Could BEARly Believe It!

Today I received an email with lots of pictures. A student in 7th grade went on a bear hunting trip with his father because it was very important to this boy to kill a bear. What, you say, did you say, “Kill a bear”? Yes. Now this is no ordinary boy. He was “normal” when he was born. But a childhood illness left him with violent seizures. He is now in a school for children with special needs, and I am blessed to serve on the school board.

Josh is a handsome boy and you can see what kind of teenage boy he could be before the illness robbed him of some abilities. His amazing parents always see the Josh who still can be, and I have the utmost respect for them. Josh has always wanted to kill a bear, his rite-of- passage into manhood. So Dad and Josh went to Canada to find and kill a bear. Very long, adventure story short, after countless obstacles, Josh killed his bear. They found some bears along the way, but every time Josh tried to kill one, in his excitement, he would go into seizures. Then would become too sleepy to continue, and would have to rest. But they persevered…for many days. Finally, the biggest big black bear ever came across their path. Josh had a seizure, but pushed through and killed the bear. His father wept.

Life lessons abound. Josh now knows how much his father loves him and believes in him. He also knows that he can push through obstacles and succeed. He learned this from a father’s love. No one doubts for a moment that Josh can do great things with his life. And now he has a black bear rug to always remind him of the limitless possibilities.

Happy Father’s Day!

Happy Father’s Day to all you fathers who teach life lesson each and every day with the big BEAR lessons, and the little words that you say that can affect your child for a lifetime.

P.S. If you have daughters, I strongly encourage you to read, Bringing Up Girls by James Dobson. You will be deeply impacted by the powerful role you have in forming who your daughter is now and the woman she will become.

Non Nobis Domine

2010-06-13T22:14:00.002-05:00

Today at our church, our music pastor, Don McMinn, explained the history of one of my favorite songs, Non Nobis Domine. The men’s chorus sang it flawlessly.

My heart was so full. I traveled back in time to three different schools where I served as head of school where we sang that song for chapel and special occasions such as graduation and Grandparents’ Day. It is based on Psalm 115 and says, “But to Your name, may all the glory be.”

When the students would sing it a cappella and in parts, the harmony would highlight the reverence of these words. At Covenant, we would close chapel each day with this song. Each and every day, it would stir my soul and profoundly bless me. There is nothing quite like students in grades K-12 singing in Latin about giving all the glory to God to turn your heart to our creator.

This is why I believe so strongly in classical education and everything it represents. With the scriptures at the core, looking through the lens of history as His-story, and relating this to quality literature, excellence in education is achieved. When classical music, art and drama are woven in with the academic rigor of math and science, there is no need to say “college-prep”, because it is redundant. There is nothing that better prepares a student than a classical education.

Our pastor, Chuck Swindoll, is one of the most godly, intelligent, gifted, articulate, well-read people I have ever known. He also loves classical music and is committed to the best in music, which includes classical as well as the hymns of the faith. In addition to Sunday mornings, we have the amazing privilege of periodic programs committed to the history of the hymns of the faith. Pastor Chuck writes and reads the narration, and the orchestra and choir perform the exquisite music, under the outstanding leadership of Don McMinn. This unyielding commitment to high quality music is one of the reasons we are members of Stonebriar Community Church.

Music and worship speak to the soul. Our God is worthy of our worship and praise. At our May 15th program at Stonebriar, Heart Songs from the Saints, we heard and sang many of these songs such as one of Martin Luther, leader of the Protestant Reformation, and considered by some to be the father of hymnody. He once said, “Next to the Word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world. It controls our hearts, minds and spirits.”

When I reflect upon the hundreds of students who have learned and sung Non Nobis Domine over the years, I smile. But to Your name, may all the glory be!

For me personally, I praise God that I can worship in a church where music of this caliber is presented and performed with excellence. This is worship at its best. I invite you to come to Stonebriar Community Church.

Table Talk: Technology and Teens

2010-06-13T22:06:00.001-05:00

Last month my goal was simply to alert you to the realization that technology is the new battle ground with our teens. This month I want to address a few more specifics within that topic.

As a prayerful, proactive parent, it is important to put up boundaries to protect your teen. In a wireless world that has infiltrated our lives, it is imperative to seek godly wisdom and discernment in establishing boundaries with your teens.

Of course, parenting is not easy, especially in this increasingly complex world of technology. If it was, then I would present you five reasonable, bullet-pointed strategies to turn your teens into media-responsible young people who respect your rules and don’t resent you one teensy tiny bit because they realize that you are just trying to help them.

If only parenting worked that way. But every child is different. Every family has its own unique blend. And technology is one of the more difficult subjects to approach and ‘get your arms around’.

So rather than give you five bullet-proof bullet-points, let me simply offer you some things to prayerfully consider. Discuss them with your spouse first, adjust them to fit your family and your teen(s), and use other inputs – such as others who contribute to this wonderful MOAT blog – as you adjust your strategies. Always remember, parenting is on-going.

There is no Walmart of Wisdom that has everything you are looking for in one easy shopping stop. You’re going to have to keep looking around at all times for the best deal.

Of course, the Bible is free and its pearls of wisdom are priceless. I would start there.

Join me at The Moat to read more.

Praying For Your Children and Students and Honoring the National Day of Prayer

2010-05-03T12:54:00.003-05:00

Prayer is a gift from God. It is how we communicate with God and listen to Him. William Carey writes, "It is prayer, real, secret, fervent prayer that lies at the root of all godliness." Prayer is the central avenue through which God changes us. Richard Foster writes, "Prayer is what catapults us to the frontier of the spiritual life."

Prayer is one of the major aspects of our walk with the Lord. But often we become so busy and don't spend the time in prayer that we know in our hearts should be an essential part of our lives.

The purpose of this article is not to tell you to pray but rather, to help you find more practical ways to implement the priority of prayer on a daily basis.

When Should We Pray

Each of us needs to find the best time to pray. For me, I am a very visual person. I like to write out my prayer requests. I respond well to visual reminders such as note cards, pictures and objects that remind me of items or people to pray for such as photograph, a liberty bell to remind me to pray for our country, and special items that remind me of different family members or friends. Some of my more auditory friends prefer to pray out loud, perhaps in their car. My kinesthetic friends find walking or exercising to be their best time for effective prayer.

For 35 years, my jobs required that I be “on duty” early in the morning. Therefore, I needed to get up really early in order to have a quality, quiet time. But frankly, I am not a morning person. Getting my kids and me to school early was about all I could handle. As I used to say, I may rise, but I don't shine... and I found that during that season of life, I often had my best quiet times at night after everyone had gone to sleep.

God does not care when or how we pray. He simply cares that we do pray.

What Should We Pray

Our hearts often feel burdened for the many things we want to pray for our children and students.

Years ago I made up a prayer card to guide me in my praying for my children and later made copies for the moms at school and church. I put mine in my Bible or prayer journal. You are welcome to make multiple copies of this to use as a prayer reminder. You may use the blank places to list character qualities, scripture verses, and other items of daily concern that you have for your child.

What Should We Pray for Our Children and Students

Here are just a few of the many items we can pray for our children and students. There is great power in praying the Word and inserting the child’s name.

For example, if you have a daughter who is struggling with gossip you may want to pray:
“I pray for _______ to know that without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.” Proverbs 26:20

If you have a child who is having trouble forgiving someone, you may want to paraphrase Ephesians 4:32 as you pray:
“I pray for _________________ to be kind and compassionate to others, forgiving______________, just as Christ God has forgiven him/her.”

To have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ
Protection from the evil one
Christ-like character
Love the Word
Hearts of service
Discernment in relationships
To 'get caught' if they do something wrong so it doesn't form a habit pattern for life.
Determine to finish well.

How Should We Pray

We desire to have cleansed hearts before God as we come to pray for our children and students. This involves confession of sin on our part. I tell children that 1 John 1:9 is like the Christian bar of soap. We take a bath every day to wash our bodies, and we confess our sins each day to keep our spirit cleansed.

Then we simply talk to God. In the book, Cherishing and Challenging Our Children, I provide some specific techniques and examples. A simple one to teach children also serves as a reminder for adults. That is:

1.Wiggle our thumbs and say something in praise to Jesus. This is our J.

2.Wiggle your middle fingers for O for others and pray for others: family, friends, teachers, pastors, missionaries, etc.

3.Finally we wiggle our little finger for Y and Y is for you. We pray for ourselves last.

There is JOY when we remember to put Jesus first, and the needs of others next and finally, you.

I must confess that I have to remind myself of this simple method on a regular basis as my prayers begin to sound like a “To Do List for GOD. This system helps me to keep my priorities in focus.

National Day of Prayer

It’s wise to train our children and students to pray beyond their personal needs. One way is to be involved with the National Day of Prayer which is coming up on May 6. While every day should be a Day of Prayer for us, let us find special ways to honor this day in your home, work, church and/or community.

For more information on ways that you can be involved, visit the National Day of Prayer website. May I encourage you to take time to read Jim Daly’s letter about the forces coming against this very important day.

May God bless your prayer life as you grow and deepen your walk in Him.

Table Talk: Technology and Teens

2010-04-21T07:25:00.002-05:00

The last thing parents need is yet another issue to deal with in managing their teens’ developing, increasingly complex world. The list – which already includes teaching responsibility, respect, trust, how to handle relationships, spiritual maturity, wise choices, and moral values – has always been challenged by issues such as drinking, sex, drugs, entertainment, bullying, homework, procrastination, and the list continues.

So how on earth are parents supposed to add technology to the mix with everything else they are already juggling?!

Join me at The Moat (Mothers of Adolescents and Teens) to read more.

Be a Bucket Filler

2010-04-19T07:41:00.004-05:00

Are you a bucket filler or a bucket dipper? I recently came across this concept when I read these two books. “Have You Filled a Bucket Today?” and “Fill a Bucket” by Carol McCloud.

In a new twist on the Golden Rule, Have You Filled a Bucket Today? explains to children that we all carry an invisible bucket in which we keep our feelings about ourselves. When our buckets are full, we are happy; when they are empty, we are sad. It's important to know that we can fill our own bucket and so can others. We can also dip into it.

"Bucket fillers" are those who help without being asked, give hugs and compliments, and generally spread their love and good feelings to others. The simple metaphor of a bucket helps even preschoolers understand the importance of consideration and love, particularly towards those who bully. "Bucket dippers" rob us of happy feelings by refusing to help with a task or by saying or doing cruel things.

From the website Bucket Fillers

You can read more about this wonderful program at the Bucket Fillers website.

When I read the books to my grandsons, ages 4 and 2, they “got” this concept immediately. They asked to read the books again and again. As we read other books and ‘real-life’ situations arose, the boys responded with bucket words. “Grandma, his bucket is empty. He is sad. He needs someone to fill up his bucket with kind words.” Or, “Her bucket is full because she is being nice.” It has helped them to verbalize feelings and identify appropriate actions in their own play as well.

This concept can even be put into action in the classroom. Take a look at how Beth Newingham used it in her 3^rd grade classroom. Here is another look in Mrs. Walker's Frog-Tastic 4th grade.

Crossing Over the Boundary Lines

2010-04-12T21:53:00.001-05:00

There are some stories we simply don’t know what do with or how to react to. Easter Sunday – a day that symbolizes forgiveness incarnate – brought to our attention a story that challenges our very core as believers.

I am posting at The Tapestry Blog today. Stop by and read the rest of the article.

Making Holy Week Baskets with Your Children

2010-03-18T14:16:00.004-05:00

Easter is the most important celebration of our faith. It is the very essence of what makes us Christian. Therefore, it is important that we find meaningful ways to celebrate its significance with our children in order to build a deeper level of understanding as they mature in their walk with the Lord.

When my children were young in the early 80's, we began making "Holy Week Baskets" at home to celebrate Easter. I began to gather items that represented events from Holy Week. As we added an item, we would talk about it, look up the corresponding scriptures, and weave them together into the rich time line tapestry of Holy Week. I noticed how my children's interest and knowledge grew and deepened as they became engaged in this interactive learning process.

So, as head of school, I decided we would make Holy Week Baskets at school. Later as minister to children at our church, we made them at church. My children became my "Happy Helpers," and for the month before Holy Week, we would gather the items, organize them, sort jelly beans by colors for the Jelly Bean Prayer, and prepare items so hundreds of children could create Holy Week Baskets. Palm Sunday would find us taking around wagons over-flowing with items for little fingers to touch, and later teach others about Holy Week.

It became our Easter tradition: in our home, in our school, and in our church. I saw children, parents, and teachers get excited each year and ask, "Are we going to make Holy Week Baskets this year?"

I began to teach about them at school and church conferences. I wrote about them in my book Cherishing and Challenging your Children 20 years ago! It seems like only yesterday. Now I am doing them with my grandchildren.

There are numerous items we put in our Holy Week Baskets, but I would vary them depending upon the ages of the children. For example, I would not put in a nail for younger children. I would add more items each year as they get older and their ability to understand abstract concepts grows, such as the curtain in the temple torn in half.

When children get to about age 9 or 10, the enthusiasm they had in previous years may turn to, "Do I have to make a Holy Week Basket again this year?" Before you let it be a knife to your heart, realize that this is part of growing up. I respond with, "I would love for you to be my helper. You are so good at creating and explaining the importance of the Holy Week Baskets. I need you to show the "little ones" how to make them and what each item represents." They love "being in charge" and this gets you through this transition time. Plus, there is no better way to learn anything than to teach it! Even better, your children's understanding continues to grow as the Holy Spirit works in their hearts through their words and action when they help teach the little ones. Everyone is blessed.

Question: "Well, I already have on from last year. Why am I making another one?" Answer: "I am so glad you asked that question. This one can be for you to give to someone who doesn't know Jesus. When you give it to them, you can tell them the story of Easter." Thus, your Holy Week Basket becomes an excellent evangelism tool!

Holy Week Baskets can also be called "Resurrection Baskets" as we have called them some years. They make lovely centerpieces for you to give to Grandparents and other people in your family, especially those who may not know the Lord. It's a joy for children to have the opportunity to explain each item in the basket, much to the amazement of adults who have no idea what the Resurrection is all about. Some may naively think Easter is just about bunnies, and those who do know about Jesus might not understand the depth and glory of the Resurrection story. There is no better way to share the Gospel than through this Holy Week Resurrection Basket.

OK, so what goes into your basket? Here are some suggestions. Again, select the ones that are age appropriate and add items each year as your children grow in the Lord.

As you take each item out, teach your children about the significance of every piece. Look up the scripture together as a family or in your classroom. If you put them in a basket, add lots of grass and they make a lovely, as well as meaningful, centerpiece. Items may include:

donkey and/or palm branch to represent Palm Sunday
1" piece of towel: washing of feet; symbol of service
unleavened bread and communion cup: to represent the Passover and Last Supper
silver coins to represent Judas' betrayal (I used play money from the Dollar Store)
cross: made with popsicle sticks
nail: (only with older children please)
rock: placed over the tomb where Jesus was buried
scroll with mini-gospel such as 1 Corinthians 15:3-4 or John 3:16 (type the verse, copy, cut into strips, glue popsicle sticks on either side, roll each side to the center and you have a scroll)
2" black cloth: world turned dark when Jesus was on the cross
2" purple cloth: temple curtain torn in half when Jesus died
2" linen cloth: shroud to wrap Jesus' body
grass: new life when you believe in Jesus
cotton ball: Jesus will return through the clouds to gather all those who belive in Him (share the Gospel!)
Jelly Bean Prayer (I put the jelly beans in a baggie with a copy of the prayer) The Jelly Bean Prayer can be downloaded from my website under "articles".

I wrote a booklet that goes in the basket. You may copy and fold it to put in the baskets to help the parents understand the significance of the items. It also provides scripture references for the items in the Holy Week Baskets. It can also be downloaded from my website under "articles".

Bonus! When the children get to 3rd grade, I encourage them to read one of the Gospel accounts of Holy Week each year. For example:

3rd grade: Matthew
4th grade: Mark
5th grade: Luke
6th grade: John

If you have my book Cherishing and Challenging Your Children, you can find these ideas and more on page 144-145, first published in 1990 with Scripture Press.

Activities to challenge older children:

1. Create a time line of all the items in their basket with corresponding scriptures from each of the gospels.

2. Add items to represent each day of Holy Week. for example, what did Jesus do each day during that week? We tend to know what happened on Sunday, Thursday, Friday, and Sunday. But often the extraordinary teaching that occurred on Monday and Tuesday gets eclipsed by the profound events of the rest of the week. What was happening on Wednesday? Let your children be "Bible Detectives" and find out! Have the children put items in their baskets as symbols from those teachings. For example:

Monday: What could they put in their baskets to represent Jesus' teaching about the Barren Fig Tree (Mark 11)? Or, what happened when Jesus went to the temple?

Tuesday: The gospels are filled with the amazing teachings of Jesus from Tuesday.

Wednesday: What happened? Check the Gospels!

Parents and teachers, may I encourage you to take time to find an activity that teaches the profound message of Easter and one you can build upon each year as your children grow older. You may want to bring out your Holy Week Basket from the previous year and review it with your children. A word to the wise: children love repetition when they are young. As they get older, they may begin to become cynical and say, "I already know that..." and not want to participate. Remember, this is a good time to invite them to be the helper and/or leader with the younger siblings or students. Or if they are the youngest, I simply say that since the truth of this activity is so important to our faith, it is worth hearing again. You may suggest that we might learn something new this year as we explore it together. I know I do each time I read the gospels! These meaningful memories become beautiful threads in the tapestry of our children's spiritual hearts. These windows of opportunities are worth every minute of the investment of our time and energy, as they reap rich dividends...for eternity.

From the Heart...an Update

2010-03-14T23:02:00.006-05:00

My ‘great plan’ for 2010 was to write a weekly blog to go with each of my weekly television programs. I think I got as far as the first week. This is sort of like how I am with New Year’s Resolutions and dieting… So here we are in March and when I looked at my website for the first time in 3 months and realized I still had Christmas up, I put myself in time-out for bad behavior.

Thank you for your patience and here is a very quick recap before we launch into planning for Holy Week and the Resurrection!

2010 has been a year of CHANGE! The year began with launching the new “Hope Biblical Training Program” for Hope for the Heart at the Hope Center. As Director, I attend to the details, work with the students, grade papers, and write the weekly 25 page Study Guide to go with the topic that June is teaching from the Biblical Counseling Keys. Whew! I love it but it does take a lot of time.

Our aunt, who we have been caring for, went into the hospital and required one of us to be with her day and night during part of January and most of February. She went to be with the Lord on February 22 and our family came to town for the funeral. Bear with me, because I love pictures and have them posted on my Facebook, a few with this blog and some coming for the website. I do believe a picture is worth more than a thousand words…especially when it comes to grandchildren.

After the funeral, my son Christopher decided to move back here from New Jersey and serve as my administrative assistant, much to my delight. I feel hope on the horizon that I can finally get caught up!

We are waiting for our precious baby granddaughter from Ethiopia and do deeply covet your prayers for the upcoming court date and all the ensuing details. Thank you!

Now I really do plan to provide weekly blogs…thank you for your grace and understanding.

Communication DB8

2010-01-18T21:46:00.003-06:00

What is happening to communication in our culture? There seems to be an escalating need to communicate—to connect. But do Facebook, Twitter, texting and email meet that need? How effective is our communication? Before you send me a text...

I am posting at The Tapestry Blog today. Please click the link to find the rest of my thoughts on the Communication DB8.

Timely Tips for a Tremendous 2010

2010-01-12T13:42:00.004-06:00

Happy New Year! Wasn't it only yesterday we were worried about Y2K? Where did the decade go? For us personally,we went through some major passages of time. All four of our parents went to be with the Lord during this decade. We now have four beautiful grandchildren. We enjoy the seasons of life unfolding and are very content in our autumn years.

New Year's always makes me very reflective. Normally, I like to have all the Christmas put away, everything clean, organized and ready for the New Year. My gift to myself is to spend New Year's Day reading, writing, and reflecting.

This year was a little different because both Paul and I had to work. The Dallas Symphony did concerts on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day for the first time in Paul's 39 years with the symphony. On New Year's I did a radio program on "Hope - the Anchor for Your Soul" and also, telling people about the new Hope Center and Hope Biblical Training Program which begins this month. I will share more about this next week.

On New Year's Day we taped TV programs for January and February at the Hope Center since we thought it would be quiet. Later that evening we had a wonderful belated Christmas with our oldest son and his family since we were not with them for Christmas this year.

All in all, my cleaning, organizing, and reflecting came later for this New Year. As I reflected upon the Lord's goodness in 2009, my heart overflowed with gratitude for His loving kindness. To be honest, it wasn't until I began listing all my praises, that I realized how many there were. Amazing how when I practice what I tell others to do, it actually works!

Here are a few suggestions from my New Year's television program "12 Timely Tips for a Tremendous 2010". You may see the program in it's entirety on the education channel at WebTV4Women

1. PRAY: The Bible tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 to "pray without ceasing...to pray continually." While it is important to have a quiet time with God, we can also pray when we're in the car, walking, and doing other activities. God simply wants us to communicate with Him.

2. PONDER: Where does my identify come from? What gives me significance? Who gives me significance? January is a good time to go through the Bible study "Seeing Yourself Through God's Eyes" by June Hunt. I have done it for the past four January's and each time, I learn more about myself and my relationship with Christ.

3. PERHAPS, it is time to PUT some burdens down. 2009 held a lot of fear, anger, and frustration for many people. If we hold on to those emotions and bring them into the New Year, they will weigh us down. Let's take time to forgive others, to let go of resentment, talk through what we are angry about and begin the New Year without all those burdens pulling us down.

4. PLANS: What are some plans you would like to see happen? You may want to talk about them or write them down. Perhaps you may want to post them on sticky notes in your office or home, or even journal them. The Bible says..."For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Are you trusting God with your plans?

Corrie ten Boom says: "God has no problems with our lives, only plans."

5. PREPARE 3 goals that you believe are achievable.

6. PROVIDE time to work on those.

7. PARTICIPATE in activities that will get you there. Over Christmas, I read the book, "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwel. It's fascinating and I encourage you to read the book. One of the chapters was on "The 10,000 Rule" which states that the common denominator with people who are successful is they spent at least 10,000 hours doing the activity they are successful in. In light of that thought, you want to start now. Prepare your goals, provide time to work on them, and participate in activities that will help you achieve your goals.

8. PRIORITIZE your day so that your goals get priority time. What is the best time of day for you? Are you a morning person? Night person? When are you more likely to not be interrupted? Prioritize that day to the best of your ability.

9. PURSUE: Study the Scriptures...write down key PASSAGES and put them around to encourage you.

10. PRACTICE the PRESENCE: Take time to be still, embrace the silence, listen to the still, small voice of God. In this world of cell phones, emails, texting and constant communication, we often forget to listen while in the quietness.

11. PERSEVERE: As the expression goes...we have to "keep on keepin' on". The Bible encourages us to "run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

12. POWER OF PRAISE: Psalm 34:1 reminds us to praise the Lord at all times. "I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips."

2010 is a New Year and a new decade. It is an exciting time to embrace the possibilities. May I encourage you to not let the past hold you back. To help you in this process, I am suggesting a few helpful resources that are available through Hope for the Heart. My prayer is that in 2010 God will bless you with people and experiences beyond what you ever hoped, prayed for or dreamed.

Resources:

Seeing Yourself Through God's Eyes

How to Forgive When You Don't Feel Like It

Keeping Your Cool When Your Anger is Hot

(all by June Hunt)

Raising Responsible Children

2009-09-24T12:51:00.003-05:00

I am in the process of reprinting the book, "Cherishing and Challenging Your Children." It will be published in both paperback and e-book format as well as audio for your convenience. Keep checking back!

In the meantime, enjoy this chapter from the book on Raising Responsible Children.

ABC's of a Great Start to School

2009-08-14T22:30:00.014-05:00

As you anticipate the new school year, think about setting up ways to jump-start the learning. Here are some practical ideas as you set up a homework environment for your learners.

Think about forming new habits to usher in a positive start for your children. For example, as you think of homework, do you anticipate a good year or does your heart sink? I can almost hear a collective heavy sigh coming as you think of the potential homework hassles starting up again. Let's look at how you can turn those homework hassles into healthy homework habits.

Let's utilize your student's learning style to set up a homework environment conducive for successful study strategies! It can be as simple as A-B-C!

A: Attitude is everything! Share with your child that homework is important. It isn't a punishment given by the teacher, but rather, an opportunity to enhance what is being taught in the classroom. If you are positive about homework, your attitude is contagious to the children.

B: Believe in your child! You build up your child's confidence when you communicate that you believe in him and how he/she learns. It can be difficult to be a student and be in classes all daythat may or may not be presented in the way he/she learns best. It is very draining if one feels stupid and can't "get it", even with a great deal of effort put forth.

C: Communicate with your child. When you say, "Let's work together to set up a homework area that helps the way you learn. Help me to understand how you learn so we can set this up to make it easier for you to do your homework." Try something out and if it does not help, then move to plan B.

Analytic or Global?

For starters, is your student more analytic or global? For example, if your child tends to process things in a sequential, logical manner, she is probably more of an analytical learner. These students see the details first, then the patterns and finally the whole pictures. In other words, they go from part to whole. Whereas the global learner sees the whole picture first, then the patterns and finally the details. If your child is more creative and thinks outside the box, he/she may be more global.

Applying to Learning

Wonder why some students do not get overwhelmed with doing their homework? They are usually analytic! Yep, they go from the part to the whole, step by step. They see one problem at a time; complete it and go on to the next. They usually don't whine, they simply get it done. Why? They only saw one part at a time, focused it in accomplished it, then went to the next. Step by step, the work isn't as over-whelming.

Whereas the global students seek the whole thing, gets overwhelmed, feels certain they can't get it all done, shuts down and may not finishe the task. It is not a factor of IQ. It is a matter of brain functioning.

Here's the secret to helping your global student. For example, if your student has a whole page of math problems, let your child select a piece of colored paper in their favorite color (except if they like black or red..encourage them to go to their second choice) and cut out a 1" x 2" rectangle in the center of the paper. Your student puts this colored paper over the page of math problems they are doing, and then focuses in on what is in the rectangle. They do the problem in the rectangle and then move the paper. See what we are doing? We're blocking out the rest of the page. It keeps them from getting overwhelmed.

Take a look at this comparison when it comes to how these two different learners prefer to work:

Analytic Learners: bright light, quiet atmosphere, prefer sitting at a desk or table

Global Learners: soft light, some sound, prefer sitting on the floor, couch or bed

Let's face it, it may not be possible for every student to learn in their optimum learning style environment at school. But at home, every student is a good student because we can set up Homework Environments where every child can learn, and will love to learn!

Setting Up the Homework Scene at Home

On the home scene, well-meaning parents often purchase a desk, chair and lamp to set up a nice homework environment for their students. But when they go in to check on the homework status, they discover the desk has become a holding place for stuff and their students are on the floor or on the bed. Or asleep at the desk! Yikes! What is a parent to do? Translation: the parent has set up an analytic learning environment and the child may be more of a global learner.

Every child learns differently and as such, your child may not fit into one of these neat and tidy little categories. Remember, these are just general guidelines to help you get started.

Here's Another Brain Tip For You

For students who need the sound component when they work, there is one important thing to remember. A background sound that has words forms word pictures in the brain. Your student may try to assure you that having television or loud rock music playing is not a problem. Well, it is. Well-documented research has shown that classical music is better for brain development.

While most children do not want to hear this at first, they do have an antenna for truth. Try this conversation:

You: "When you study with things that distract you, the brain doesn't learn as fast or remember the information. I want you to do as well as you can in school. I know you want to spend as little as time as possible on homework. Therefore, you may choose to study quietly or if you need sound, you may have classical music or some neutral sound such as a fan. Which do you choose?"

Child: "But I know I learn better with the television on."

You: "Bring me the research that proves the brain works better with television and then we will discuss the possibility."

Don't worry, there is nothing to substantiate this and you are on safe ground!!

To turn homework hassles into positive homework habits, look at your attitude. Have you taken time today to tell your child that you believe in them and you know they can do it? Communicate with your child that you want to work together to set up a homework environment that works for your child's learning style. Experiemtn until you find what works for your student. You will see an observable difference when you find the one that works.

You have taken the first step in forming healthy homework habits. Congratulations!

Encouragement energizes us and helps us in the process.

For more information on helping find your child's learning style, check out the articles on my website.

The Birth of a Book and a Baby!

2009-08-14T22:04:00.005-05:00

My daughter Angela gave birth to her second child. Hudson Jack Carnathan came into this world a few weeks early! He was born August 6, 2009. He made his grand entrance at 3:26 a.m., weighing 6 pounds 9 ounces and 18.75 inches long. We praise God for his safe arrival and for a happy, healthy baby and mommy.

Angela, Harold and big brother Keagan were at the jersey shore with Harold's extended family and Angela began to have contractions. Because she was only in her 36th week, they didn't take it real seriously...until the contractions stayed at 3 minutes, got harder and stronger. They drove to the hospital expecting to be sent home. The doctor gave her something to stop the contractions but it only made them more intense. Within one hour, they were well on their way to having a baby!

Technically, Hudson was considered a "preemie" at 36 1/2 weeks and they had to stay in the hospital for six days. Everyone is so happy to finally have them home!

Keagan loves his new baby brother. He went right in and said, "A baby...my baby brother. Can I hold him?" He keeps kissing Hudson and gently touching him. He'll be a great two year old big brother.

For me, things happened quickly. I wasn't scheduled to fly out until later this month. Typically August is my busy month of providing in-service training for at least 10 schools. This year I kept it really light just in case this little one decided to come early. However, I did plan to tape television programs for the education channel on August 7 for a back to school series. Yep...those programs still haven't been taped...it's a little hard to tape programs from a hospital room. Taking care of my precious family is my priority right now.

Please see the "ABC's of Back to School" post and be watching for the television programs forthcoming when I return to Texas.

While I was disappointed to not be there for Hudson's birth, I scrambled to reschedule everything on my calendar and left for "Camp Grandma". I will be at Angela's for a couple weeks.

Here's where the "baby and book" part comes in. When I finally got to Angela's house, on the doorstep were the two books we wrote. They were delivered on the same day she delivered sweet baby Hudson! Our Christian Charm Course books are here. I told her that Hudson just wanted to share this special day with Mommy. Not bad timing, right?

Camp Grandma is underway and needless to say, lots of pictures will be coming your way!

Christian Charm Course for Teen Girls

2009-08-10T07:43:00.003-05:00

The New Christian Charm Course is here! It is for girls ages 12-15. We have the student book and teacher book available through the Capehart Connection.

Just for fun, we created some special items for the girls to go along with The New Christian Charm Course. As they prepare for the new school year, these items will help their focus to be on Christ.

"I'm a C-7 girl" notepads (5x7 with a pink daisy watermark) What is a C-7 girl? A girl seeking to be Christlike, caring, confident, committed, changed, classy, and charming. That's what the Christian Charm Course is all about!

Philippians 4:8 bookmark (hot pink, laminated with the daisy) This is the theme verse of The New Christian Charm Course. These can be used to serve as a reminder to keep our thinking on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things..." We are thinking 4:8!

Girl's Christian Armor Card (5x7) The girls can hang these up in their bedrooms or bathrooms to remind them to be dressed based on Ephesians 6.

The student book for each girls is filled with practical, fun and scripture based activities.

The teacher book can be for moms, leaders, or teachers. It has additional information to supplement the material.

(There is a special savings if you get all five during August or September!)

So what is The New Christian Charm Course about? It's a book to teach girls how to be transformed from the inside out through a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. As we learn beauty tips for our "outside selves", we see how we can use each part of us to live more for Him every day. For example: We will learn how to do manicures and then seek ways to use our hands to serve others and to walk in His ways. We practice posture pointers and learn why we don't walk over others. The girls will learn etiquette, how to communicate with one another in a Christ-like manner, taming the tongue, handling conflicts biblically and much, much more!

We are so excited. Emily Hunter wrote the original Christian Charm Course many years ago. Harvest House Publishers asked if I would update it. My daughter, Angela and I decided to make it a mother/daughter project. Later my friends Mona Corwin and Amy Kendrick Pierson joined the team and we created a multi-generational course for moms and daughters, as well as teen Bible study leaders such as Mona and Amy to use with the girls they disciple. We had so much fun creating this project.

Home-school families, schools, and churches can use The New Christian Charm Course. Amy is the Director of Girls' Ministries at Prestonwood Baptist church in Plano, Texas and she can use it with her girls. I use it over lunch with girls at Legacy Christian Academy in Frisco. Home-school groups are excited to have it, along with ACSI schools. Feel free to contact me if you have questions about how to use it.

Angela just had her second baby the day the book came out! I told her she is giving birth to her first book and a baby at the same time! I am helping her with little 2 year old Keagan Michael and baby Hudson Jack for 2 weeks this month.

After I get back home, and after Angel is up for it, we will be available for leading "mother/daughter" conferences and retreats on The New Christian Charm Course. We 4 (Mona, Amy, Angela, and I) want to do some multi-generation events as well. We have a video discussing our ideas on my homepage (Capehart Connection).

You may email me at jody.capehart@verizon.net for more information.

Camp Grandma

2009-07-24T19:03:00.000-05:00

Angela is having her second baby in August. When Keagan was born there were complications and therefore her doctor is requiring a C-section this time. So I am setting up "Camp Grandma" for Keagan while Mommy is in the hospital and afterwards when baby Hudson comes home. As I was planning out "Camp Grandma", I thought there might be some ideas here you could adapt for your family. Here's what Keagan (who just turned 2) and I will be doing this August in Cherry Hill at "Camp Grandma".

Make breakfast a fun time by putting smiley faces on our toast or with our fruit, squeezing our own juice, making pancakes or making "silly cereal".

Getting our chores done by making it a time to learn and practice practical life skills such as: clean up, washing dishes, pouring, spooning, preparing food, sweeping, dusting, folding clothes, getting groceries, setting the table, watering the plants, making the beds, etc.

Little children love to help! It's not work for them, so we'll do all those activities together.

We'll bake some bread and cookies, and on the day Daddy brings Mommy and baby Hudson home we'll make a special "Welcome Home Cake" and dinner. The important thing is that we'll do it together. We'll paint pictures for them also.

I want my grandchildren to love gardening like I do and so part of our day will be spent working in our garden. We'll learn about flowers and vegetables, and how to take care of our garden.

We'll do lots of reading because we love books! We'll plan some trips to the library. (It's important to check out the services that your local library provides for children...and they're free!)

We'll take walks and check things out such as bugs and birds. And yes, we'll take in the park while we're at it.

Museums are wonderful places, and many have a "free day" or reduced prices. There's an excellent "hands-on" museum that Keagan loves.

Music soothes the heart and soul for all ages. Expose children to all different kinds of music. I turn on Bach or Beethoven and we blow bubbles. Or we play jazz and move to the beat. Sometimes we simply lie on the blanket outside listening to soft music and watch the clouds. And of course, sing all the fun songs as well. If your children are old enough, teach them to play instruments. As an added bonus, music develops both side of the brain and kids get smarter!

We'll paint, do clay and experience as many art mediums as a young two year old would like to create with.

Rainy days are a perfect time to make tents inside the house. Take sheets and drape them over the tables and furniture. Older children get really creative with tunnels and secret places. For those children you can turn off the lights and bring out the flashlights. Great fun!

There's puzzles, games, and "hands on" activities for all ages.

We'll go swimming because Grandma loves for all the grandchildren to know how to swim. I guess that's a carryover from my years working at the pool teaching swimming lessons. I love to swim!

And of course, we'll play with our toys and in the yard. Playing is fun!

Did you notice that we aren't watching television, movies, playing video games, texting, or computer games? Well of course, Keagan is too young. But I want the rule at Camp Grandma in future years to always be...Nothing Electronic! None of my grandchildren are teenagers yet, but I really want to stick to this commitment.

In any event, we'll have lots of fun. Every time I think of an idea, I drop it into my Camp Grandma suitcase. Enjoy your children and grandchildren...we have them for such a short season.

Planning a SONshine Summer

2009-05-19T09:00:00.000-05:00

When I was growing up, there were natural book ends to the summer. It began after Memorial Day and ended with Labor Day. I miss the simplistic boundaries of having 12 weeks for summer. But then I guess everything seemed simpler in the "good 'ole days" when summer did have more of those lazy, hazy days. Now the school year ends and before anyone has even poured a tall cool glass of lemonade, the frantic summer schedule begins.

Simplify Your Schedule

Select activities that are seasonal such as Vacation Bible School, swimming lessons and perhaps a summer camp if your child is that age. Look at the other activities and prayerfully consider the full impact of your choices.

As you embrace this summer, may I suggest making these a priority:

Pray. Commit the summer to the Lord. What does He want for you and your family this summer?

Read. Get a stack of good literature to read to and with your children. Set up a daily reading time every day. Yes, even with the older children, set aside a time for reading each day. Everyone grabs their favorite book, and read or you can read all together.

Slow down. We are on such a tight schedule during the school year. Use the summer to simply be with one another. Talk. Walk. Play. Enjoy one another.

PLANNING

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Remember: expectations can be enemies! We need to realize that everything we plan may not be as 'rich and meaningful' as it plays out in our mind. Have you ever planned that 'perfect family field trip', only to arrive and have your children whine for quarters to play the video games?

Let’s prioritize our priorities. Find quiet time each day for the Lord, and time to connect with our family instead of simply filling up each day with things to do.

Our personalities factor into the equation. In light of the DISC model, each personality type (and we are all unique combinations of these types) ‘brings to the summer table’ certain personality qualities that affect how we plan our summer. This is a simplistic view but perhaps you can see yourself in these personalities.

If you are a D (choleric or a lion-type), you tend to be more driving, decisive and determined to make it a great summer. You already have your plans done and you are off and running.

If you are the I (sanguine or otter), you may be inspired, interactive and interesting. You basically want to have fun with people this summer. To make plans seems boring to you because you simply want to know which people you are going to see this summer.

If you are the S (phlegmatic or golden retriever) you are the peacemaker, you can 'go with the flow' better than anyone. You are steady, stable and sweet-natured.

If you are the C (melancholy or beaver) you are the conscientious, careful and competent one who wants to plan every moment of the summer to "do it right". You are a perfectionist and since most things on planet earth don't measure up, you can get overwhelmed and 'bummed' out easily.

Each personality-type has strengths and weaknesses. No one personality type is right or wrong, we are simply different from one another.

Preparing the Environment

First, take a look, around your home environment. Does it provide stimulating things for children to do so they don’t just head to the television? Let's put out some good books, puzzles, games and hands on activities.

For preschoolers, I suggest only putting out 6-8 things at a time on low shelves with a labeled place for everything. Train your child to do one thing at a time, put it away and then take out another. Take all the extra items and put them in storage. Once a month, you can "go shopping". Your child can trade something in for another item. This keeps the environment fresh and appealing and reduces the "I'm bored" attitude, and keeps you from spending money.

Water Ideas for the Kitchen

For the kitchen, I suggest putting out water activities on a low plastic shelf. Water is very soothing to children. They usually get the fussiest when you are preparing a meal, so have them close to you doing water activities.

Put a bath mat on the floor.
Put a low shelf (you can buy them in sets of 3 or 5 at almost any discount store).
Put out a dishpan of water and a drain rack.
The child can wash a doll, float a boat or be your official salad washer.
Children love water. Water calms them down, and they can be close to you. Every one wins.

Creative Corner

Provide a creative corner somewhere. This is especially good for your right-brained global child. Put all kinds of things in there such as:

old clothes, hats and jewelry for dress up
toilet paper rolls, paper, etc. for art work, etc.

Simply let them create, dress up, pretend and use their imaginations! Children of today need more of this.

Reading Materials

Have a wide variety of reading materials such as Bible books, classical literature, picture books for little ones, poetry and fun books as well. Have a quiet time each day in which each person reads, looks at books or read aloud time together. This can end up being your favorite time of day as well.

Limiting Electronic Time

In today’s world, children tend to spend too much time watching television, playing video games, on the computer, texting or other electronic activities. I have a book coming out on brain research that will show the dangers of excessive electronic time and children’s brain development. For now, may I simply say, please put boundaries on electronic time.

Cultivating Character Qualities

Use summer as a time to cultivate character qualities such as better manners, patience, responsibility, sharing and more. In my book Cherishing and Challenging Your Children I provide practical strategies on ways to implement “Cultivating Character” and “Giving Gifts of Time”. It may sound cliché, but love is often spelled T-I-M-E. What better gift can we give our children than to spend time with them?

Triumphant Travel

In today’s economy, many people are opting for trips that are more like field trips or short family trips close to home. But regardless of what you plan, traveling with children can be a challenge. Let's share a few ideas.

Plan ahead. Prepare the children. Pray before you go.
Have a bag for each child with books and games (quiet ones please) to help pass the time.
Get directions ahead of time unless you are blessed with a GPS. While you are at it, add a favorite verse to help you in times of crisis!
Review the car rules before you begin each trip, as well as the rules for when you get there. Remember, ‘rule amnesia’ can become prevalent in children!
Have car games to play as a family. Even the little ones can join in. An activity our children always enjoyed was the ABC game. Find something that starts with A or an A on a sign or license plate, then continue on with B, etc.
Sing, play CD’s, have someone read aloud and/or talk.

Hopefully this summer will be a good time for you to do the things you can't get to as readily during the school year. But realize that you probably can't do everything you want to, so just prioritize what you can do and simply enjoy the sweet summer success of those times. I pray that this summer will bless you with the Sonshine of Jesus Christ!

Download: SONshine Summer Handout

Gardening with Children

2009-05-18T09:31:00.000-05:00

It's getting warmer, and thoughts of flowers and gardens have begun to spring up. What a wonderful time to take your children outside and enjoy the sounds and smells of nature. It's fun to get dirty as you work with your children in the garden. My personal opinion is that we all need more activities like gardening instead of thinking we have to entertain children.

There are delightful children's books on gardening. May I suggest you go to the library, book store or nursery, and begin to plan your garden? Which flowers or vegetables would do best in your soil? When should you plant them? What do you want it to look like? Will it be a practical garden or a pretty one, or both? Your child can learn wonderful lessons as you plan together. This provides an invaluable teachable time to help your child learn about:

What Plants Need to Grow
How We Get Our Garden Ready
How and Where Do We Plant Our Seeds or Bulbs?
How Do We Make Compost?
Weeding and Mulching Processes
Garden Pests and Friends
The Best Way to Move Plants
How to Make a Bug Bottle
Putting It All Together
Herb Gardens
Kitchen Gardening
Eating and Serving What We Grow

(One year at school, our garden produced award-winning squash. It was amazing how big they were! Truthfully, the children hated squash, but since they grew it, they got real creative with special ways to cook and prepare their squash and actually ate it!)

Aside from the obvious "perk" of spending quality time with your child, so many character traits can be nurtured through the gardening process. Let's name a few!

Faithfulness: taking a look at some dirt and seeds and believing that God can mix these together to produce food and flowers!
Patience: waiting for our seeds to get roots and begin to grow…
Planning and Prudence: researching our options and planning a garden to best suit our soil and yard.
Diligence: as we faithfully attend to our garden's ever-growing needs.
Responsibility: taking care of our garden, even when we don't feel like it! Have a great time gardening with your child!

Gardening is one of the most fulfilling experiences to do with your child. Your child can see “God in action” as seeds are planted and with loving care, begin to grow. As we prune our plants, we see healthier blossoms. As we water and weed our garden, our plants grow. Spiritual applications abound! Practical skills can be trained, time can be shared and at the end you will have a beautiful garden of flowers and/or a healthy garden of food to eat. Everyone will be blessed!

Praying for Your Children and Students

2009-05-07T06:07:00.000-05:00

Prayer is a gift from God. It is how we communicate with God and listen to Him. William Carey writes, "It is prayer, real, secret, fervent prayer that lies at the root of all godliness." Prayer is the central avenue through which God changes us. Richard Foster writes, "Prayer is what catapults us to the frontier of the spiritual life." Prayer is one of the major aspects of our walk with the Lord. But often we become so busy and don't spend the time in prayer that we know in our hearts should be an essential part of our lives. The purpose of this article is not to tell you to pray but rather, to help you find more practical ways to implement the priority of prayer on a daily basis.

When Should We Pray

Each of us needs to find the best time to pray. For me, I am a very visual person. I like to write out my prayer requests. I respond well to visual reminders such as lists, pictures and objects that remind me of items or people to pray for such as a picture of missionaries, a liberty bell to remind me to pray for our country, and objects that remind me of different family members or friends. Some of my more auditory friends prefer to pray out loud, perhaps in their car. My kinesthetic friends find walking or exercising to be their best time for effective prayer. For 35 years, my jobs required that I be “on duty” early in the morning. Therefore, I needed to get up really early to have a good quiet time. But frankly, I am not a morning person. Getting to work early was about all I could handle. As I used to say, I may rise, but I don't shine... and sometimes I had my best quiet times at night after everyone had gone to sleep. God does not care when or how we pray. He simply cares that we do pray.

What Should We Pray

Our hearts often feel burdened for the many things we want to pray for our children and students. Years ago I made up a prayer card to guide me in praying for my children and later made copies for the moms at school and church. I put mine in my Bible or prayer journal. There is a link below and you are welcome to make multiple copies of this to use as a prayer reminder. You may use the blank places to list character qualities, scripture verses, and other items of daily concern that you have for your child.

What Should We Pray for Our Children and Students

Here are just a few of the many items we can pray for our children and students. There is great power in praying the Word and inserting the child’s name. For example,

“I pray for _______ to know that without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.” Proverbs 26:20

To have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ
Protection from the evil one
Christ-like character
Love the Word
Hearts of service
Discernment in relationships
To 'get caught' if they do something wrong so it doesn't form a habit pattern for life.
Determine to finish well.

How Should We Pray

Then we simply talk to God. In the book, Cherishing and Challenging Our Children, I provide some specific techniques and examples. A simple one to teach children also serves as a reminder for adults. That is:

Wiggle our thumbs and say something in praise to Jesus. This is our J.
Wiggle your middle fingers for O for others and pray for others: family, friends, teachers, pastors, missionaries, etc.
Finally we wiggle our little finger for Y and Y is for you. We pray for ourselves last.

There is JOY when we remember to put Jesus first, and the needs of others next and finally, you. I must confess that I have to remind myself of this simple method on a regular basis as my prayers begin to sound like a to do list for GOD. This system helps me to keep my priorities in focus.

National Day of Prayer

It’s wise to train our children and students to pray beyond their personal needs. One way is to be involved with the National Day of Prayer. While every day should be a Day of Prayer for us, let us find special ways to honor this day in your home, work, church and/or community. For more information on ways that you can be involved, visit the National Day of Prayer website (http://www.ndptf.org/). May God bless your prayer life as you grow and deepen your walk in Him.

Click here to download the {Prayer Chart}.

Easter

2009-04-06T09:10:00.000-05:00

Easter is the most important celebration of our faith; it is the very essence of what makes us Christian. Therefore, it is important that we find meaningful ways to celebrate its significance with our children in order to build a deeper level of understanding as they mature in their walk with the Lord.

I want to share one of the activities that I began with my own children over 25 years ago. We took items that represented events that happened during Holy Week and put them in our Easter baskets. We called them our Holy Week baskets, and some years we called them our Resurrection Baskets because Jesus rose from the dead! I began to make these with the children at school and church as well, and in time taught this concept at conferences and finally published it about 20 years ago.

It encouraged me to see children grow into a deeper understanding of that most profound and significant week in the life of Jesus, and for us as believers in our risen Lord. The Bible says in John 11:25, "Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies." As believers, we want our children to understand, know and believe that Jesus is the resurrection and the life.

This interactive learning activity is one of the ways we can help them. We have other documents that you can download and copy as well. If I can be of service to you in any way, please contact me. Have a blessed Easter because we serve a risen Savior.

Making Holy Week Baskets With Your Children

Holy Week Baskets Booklet

Jelly Bean Prayer (simple version)

Jelly Bean Prayer (fancy version)

Discipline by Design

2009-04-03T16:05:00.000-05:00

Discipline...we don't like to think about it, do we? Yet it is ever present when we have children. We didn't realize how important-and often overwhelming-this would be when we first held our little darlin' in our arms, did we? Or when we decide to teach school. I mean, after all, we want to teach...so why do we have to spend so much time with discipline?

Come join me for some practical tips on how to discipline big kids as well as little ones. I'm presenting ways to see children as God designed them to be and thus, discipline by design. We'll have fun in the process and share a few laughs as we...

Learn how to respond rather than react when you're unraveling!

Learn how to detach from what doesn't matter and focus on the real heart issues at hand.

Learn how to turn that control-freak kid into a champion!

Learn ways to see the gift of your ADD/ADHD child and move from being annoyed to affirming.

Learn how to take that argumentative adolescent child from disagreeable to delightful.

Learn how to take the child who turns everything into a trauma-drama and find ways to move from paralysis to proactive.

Learn how to move from the terrible twos, fearsome fours, and traumatic teens and see that you CAN discipline by design!

My experience as a mom of three grown kids, grandma, teacher, school administrator, and author of books on discipline has taught me a few tricks of the trade. I would love to share some with you during this talk - Discipline to the Design of the Child. Click {here} to download.

Check out my resources available {here}.

Available soon: CD's for purchase on this topic geared for teachers and parents.

BlogTalkRadio Cherishing & Challenging Your Children

2009-03-19T23:35:00.001-05:00

Below is an interview I recently did with Linda at blog talk radio based on my book Cherishing and Challenging Your Children. I invite you to listen. I’d like to open this post up for Q & A. Please leave your questions in the comment section of this post and at the end of the week I will gather all the questions and post the answers in one place for everyone to see. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Empowering Parents

2009-03-07T22:47:00.000-06:00

Brain Development and Your Child

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..”

Jeremiah 1:5

The mind of a child is so amazing! We have a book coming out later this year called The Miracle of the Mind of the Child. The area of brain research has been a passion of mine for a number of years. Here are just a few tips for parents to help in enhancing their child’s brain development.

Art and music enhance brain development – Play classical music for your children–even as early as in the womb. Piano lessons provide an excellent opportunity for your child to integrate learning on both hemispheres of the brain.

Connections – The more you can connect new information to past experiences as well as life experiences, the smarter your child will become.

Hydration – Drinking water throughout the day enhances brain connections.

Literacy – Read, read, and read some more! Reading develops brain connections! Interactive language is excellent for brain development. Talking with your child develops the language areas of the brain more effectively than any learning program on television, videos or computer programs.

Brain foods—Feed your child healthy food as much as possible to optimize brain development. Fruits, vegetables, dairy products and lean meats produce stronger brains. Check the labels for food additives and chemicals that inhibit brain functioning.

You will be hearing a lot more from me on this subject and I would love to hear from you!

Equipping Teachers

2009-03-07T22:41:00.000-06:00

Creating a Brain Friendly Learning Environment

Brain research is a subject that I will be covering in more depth as we continue with our programs. I have a book on brain research coming out later this year. On this program, I share some introductory ideas on setting up a brain friendly learning environment. Brain tips and teaching strategies are often interwoven at this level. Here are just a few ideas to get you started if this concept is new to you.

Create a classroom that is structured, safe and secure where students feel loved. Research shows that fear and unnecessary stress inhibit learning.

Connections make us smarter. Connect the information to the student’s life experiences as well as previous learning. The more connections you make, the stronger the memory patterns form in the brain.

Hydration helps the brain. Allow for water bottles in the classroom or water breaks through out the day.

Playing classical music quietly when your students arrive in the morning establishes order in the brain. Arts enhance academic learning!

Take a learning styles approach and allow for multiple modalities. Enrich your learning environment with age appropriate visuals and hands on learning activities.

Cross lateral activities (when we cross the midline of the brain) help integrate information in the two hemispheres of the brain.

If possible, use natural light as well as natural lighting bulbs instead of the old fluorescent lighting.

I welcome your ideas because we can learn so much from each other!

“…but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2

Energizing Grandparents

2009-03-07T22:33:00.001-06:00

The Gift of the Blessing

Gary Smalley and John Trent wrote a wonderful book called The Gift of the Blessing. They share about the importance of giving blessings, and 5 elements of the blessing.

Meaningful Touch
Spoken Words
Expressing High Value
Picturing a Special Future
An Active Commitment

As Grandparents, what are ways we can incorporate these concepts as we give blessings to our grandchildren?

But perhaps, dear fellow grandparents, like me, you don't live near all your grandchildren. We can give the best gift of all - we can pray. Phone calls, letters, and cards are all ways to make an active commitment even if you are long distance.

Let's commit to put things in writing for our grandchildren. What a treasure they will have when they read our words of encouragement.

I would love to hear how you are blessing your precious grandchildren!

"A" Week

2009-02-01T22:20:00.000-06:00

You can find a few key concepts from each program in the following posts or by clicking the links below:

Grandparents
Parents
Educators
Children and Teens

As I began to host the programs for the Education Channel on WebTV4Women, I wanted a theme to weave the programs together. The educator in me took over and decided to alphabetize them ☺. Here’s a snap shot of the first week, the “A” week:

Our foundation is the Word of God. As we anticipate this New Year, some may be anxious about the economy, war and other issues. Our hearts can be calmed by reading in Philippians 4, verses 6 and 7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” And be encouraged to know that God is always available for you and hears your prayer and will answer. In Jeremiah 33:3, we read, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” John 15 reminds us to abide in Him for He is the vine and we are the branches, and apart from Him, we can do nothing. As we anticipate the New Year, we can trust that God is our anchor and the answer. As we learn to abide in Him, release our anxieties to Him, we learn to walk in His power and peace. In His strength, we can shine in ’09!

Energizing Grandparents

2009-02-01T22:16:00.000-06:00

The mission statement for this program says “As grandparents, it is a privilege to invest in our grandchildren’s lives, be involved in their education, and leave a legacy for the Lord Jesus Christ― whether we live in the same home, community, across the country or around the world.”

This month I personally felt the burden of these words as two of my children and grandchildren were across the country and moving during the arctic front, everyone got sick and I was doing a teacher training conference in another state. My heart hurt and I felt so helpless. This is often what happens when we are grandparents. We want to be there for our families but we can’t always do so. But we can always pray and sometimes that is the most important gift we can give.

Thank the Lord for technology which helps us to stay connected with our grandchildren and children via the internet and cell phones. One of my goals is to provide practical ways for grandparents to be involved with your grandchildren even if you do live far away. And, let’s have fun in the process! I want to acknowledge that some of you have taken on the responsibility of raising your grandchildren and I want to affirm you because that puts you in a different and often difficult role. We will be addressing that complex issue in future programs.

Grandparents, here’s your homework assignment for this month. (Surely you didn’t think I would let you off easy did you? ☺) Ask yourself, what role do I want to play in my grandchildren’s lives? What kind of grandparent do I want to be? On the program I shared the different roles that my grandparents played and what roles our parents played as they were grandparents to our children. Each one was different, unique, special and important. How do you see your role? For example, I want to be the Grandma who is Jesus in skin, develops the love of books, teach them to swim, love gardening, bake bread and yes, have fun in the process!

Our next programs will be on:
“B”: Giving Blessings to Our Grandchildren
“C”: Staying Connected With Our Grandchildren

I invite you to join me!

Click here for some recommended resources.

Empowering Parents

2009-02-01T22:07:00.000-06:00

You have the most important job— molding this precious life by the very way you are parenting. But wait—you never went to Parenting School! Isn’t it ironic that you have no training for the most difficult task you will ever undertake?

Through the Capehart Connection, it is my heart’s desire to provide practical pointers to help in the journey. We begin the “ABC’s of Parenting” with the letter “A” today.

Acknowledge that our children are a gift from God. Call on Him to help you and He will answer. “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” (Jeremiah 3:33) God knows your child better than anyone. “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” (Psalm 139: 13-14a)

The mind of the child is a miraculous thing to behold. The program next week will be on brain development. For today, let’s focus on just one aspect and that is the power of the young mind to absorb everything. Realize that your children are absorbing every word said and read, every image seen― whether in person or on television, and every experience in their days and nights. Their minds are like little computers that download information perfectly─ they do not miss a thing. Look around and ask yourself—“Is this what I want in my child’s brain and memory bank?” What goes in becomes embroidered in their life experiences and becomes part of the fabric of who they are.

As positive, proactive parents, let’s focus on these things this week:

~Acknowledge the Creator who gave you this precious child. Call upon Him to help you to be the best parent you can be. Ask Him for wisdom and guidance. Dear parents, He will answer you.

~Because of the powerful ability of the child’s mind to absorb everything, use it to give your children what you want them to soak up. Let your child’s mind absorb:

Words and songs about how amazing God is!
“God made this beautiful world—He is so good!”
“I’m so happy that God gave you to me. God loves you and I love you!”
Affirming words from you:

“I love you.”

“I like the way you obeyed me.”

“Thank you for helping your sister.”

Appreciate their attempts to try new things.
“I know it was hard to do this, but you’re trying and learning new things. I am so proud of you!”

I invite you join me for our next two programs on:
“B”: Brain Research and Your Child
“C”: Communication, Critical Spirits and Conflict Resolution

Click here for some recommended resources.

Equipping Educators

2009-02-01T21:59:00.000-06:00

“Far away there in the sunshine are my higher aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.” Louisa May Alcott

As teachers, your attitudes often set the atmosphere for your classroom. Ask yourself, “What are your aspirations for this New Year?” Are you looking for ways to help your students shine in ’09? Or are you starting to give up hope, the lights are dimming, the shades are coming down and you are checking out for this semester.

The Bible tells us in John 15 that we can abide in Jesus for He is the vine, God the Father is the gardener, and we are the branches. When we abide in Him-remain in Him, He says He will remains in us. Isn’t that reassuring to know that we don’t have to do it in our own strength? He wants us to do our work in His strength and power, if we would only remain in Him. That is the secret of the Christian walk and yet we continue to grunt, struggle and try to do things in our own strength.

As we begin this new year of teaching in His power, it will help us to affirm our students, and to acknowledge their best efforts because we see them through His lens. Our new president says “Yes, we can.” One teacher had a good idea. She had all her students write everything they could not do on pieces of paper. They folded them, put them in a box and took them outside and had an “I CAN’T FUNERAL”. They buried the “I CAN’T ATTITUDES” and brought in the “I CAN ATTITUDES” for the New Year. Now that’s a change in attitude! That’s affirmation! And that will change the atmosphere in your classroom.

Dear teachers, I want to affirm you as you begin this New Year. Your task is not an easy one. If you love your students and your ‘job’, you often bring work home at night and on the week-ends. You struggle to balance your personal life with your professional responsibilities. I often say to teachers tongue-in-cheek “You may be over-worked, but at least you’re under-paid.” For many, it may not be that far from the truth. But rest assured, the Lord knows what you are doing and you’re being paid in eternal bucks because what you do impacts lives for eternity. Who knows where the seeds you plant today will bear fruit tomorrow, but dear teachers, they will bear fruit.

Our next programs will be on:

B: Creating a BRAIN Friendly Learning Environment
C: Handling the BIG “C”s― the Things That Aren’t On Your Teaching
Job Description:

COUNSELING Issues
CONFLICT Resolution
CRITICAL Parents

Click here for some recommended resources.

Encouraging Kids and Teens

2009-02-01T21:56:00.000-06:00

I want to be available for you kids as you face difficult issues.
What do you anticipate from this New Year? Are you anxious about anything? How do you handle your anxieties?
]You can call on God and He will answer.

Do you have a word picture for God? Can you see him as a cell phone-always ready to answer? An anchor—there to hold you steady in the rough waters of life?

• Next week: “B” for Bullies
• Followed by: “C” for Cliques

Click here for some recommended resources.

Recommended Resources

2009-02-01T20:25:00.000-06:00

Available at the Store:
For teachers: Teaching With Heart
For parents: Cherishing and Challenging Your Children

Some of you may be dealing with additional issues that require more help that I can provide in these short television programs. I want to recommend these detailed, practical and biblically based resources for you. They are available in a CD for your computer, book or workbook form. There are 100 different topics to help navigate you through the rough waters of life. To be consistent with my alphabetized plan, I will cover the “A” topics this week. Each one provides information on:

Definitions
Characteristics
Causes
Solutions

“A” Topics include:

Abuse:
-Alcohol and Drug Abuse
-Childhood Sexual Abuse
-Verbal and Emotional Abuse
Abortion
Adoption
Adultery
Aging
Alcohol and Drug Abuse
Anger
Anorexia and Bulimia
Assurance of Salvation
Atheism and Agnosticism

These invaluable resources are available through: hopefortheheart.org.

Welcome

2008-12-02T17:33:00.001-06:00

Welcome to Bloggin' With Jody!