Big Bear Hugs to All You Dads on Father's Day

What images, thoughts, expectations and memories do the words “Father’s Day” conjure up in your mind? The Lord blessed me with the most fun, loving, gentle father in the world. I went on to marry a fun, wise man that loves and supports me completely. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t praise the Lord for these gifts that keep on giving. As a counselor, I see many damaged people who never experienced the unconditional love of a good father. If you are one, please know that I am so sorry for your loss. I prayed about your response to this blog. Would it encourage you to know it is possible? Or, discourage you to know what you have missed? My prayer is that you can be encouraged to know that good fathers do exist. For now, I want to share “Chet” with you. There is enough of “Chet” to go around for everyone!

My Funny, Faithful Father

Chet is my father. He was raised by two very opposite people, as is the case of most marriages. My grandmother was a quiet, introverted woman who often sat quietly with the Bible in her lap, praying. By the time I was old enough to get to know her, she had lost most of her sight and hearing. But she still sat with the Bible in her lap, praying. That is a separate Mother’s Day story. For closure purposes now, it took me until I was 60 years old to realize the incredible legacy she left me, the power of her prayers. How many of my positive life choices have been as a result of her prayers? I may not know until eternity. But, let’s get back to Chet for now.

Chet’s father, my grandfather was a good man. But he was an alcoholic, which made him not be the good man he was when he wasn’t drinking. That is all I will say for now. My dad’s older brother followed in his foot-steps. My father did not. When my grandfather would leave for long periods of time, food became scarce. At one time, my grandmother said to my father, “I can’t care for you any longer. I have no money. You will need to find your own way.” He was 14.

My Dad, being my Dad, made the best of it. He worked in farms wherever he could find work. Of course, he had to drop out of school. I remember him saying, “Sometimes I would wake up with snow on me, I would just shake it off and get to work.” Yes, he had slept in a barn. Did I mention this was in MinneSNOWta? There was never a hint of resentment in his voice. That was the way it was and he shared it with a positive life lesson, as he always did with everything.

When my oldest brother, who was the brainier of the family was taking what we would now call AP math classes and needed a little help with his homework, Dad would help him with Calculus. How could he, with only a very rural 8th grade education? Alan, my brother, went on to get a Ph.D. in statistics, and Al and Dad would sit around talking about “math”. It was only many years later when I became a learning styles specialist did it dawn on me that my Dad had what Dr. Howard Gardner would call “Logical Mathematical Intelligence”. He simply had it. Even without an education, he was brilliant in math. Both my sons had full math scholarships to a great university. I recognize math intelligence when I see it now. Thank you, Dad.

My Dad worked farms, drove taxi cars, had gas stations and did whatever he could to keep food on the table for his seven children. He never paid a bill late one time in his life. He did not miss work. Some early, cold MinneSNOWta mornings, I would see him sit on the side of the bed, willing himself to get up to shovel out the car to get to work for another 15 hour day. At least he didn’t have to shake the snow off. He never once complained.

My Daddy was the funniest person I know, and certainly the silliest. He knew countless jokes. As adult children, we decided to put a timer on him one day to see how many he knew. We said, “Go” and after 12 hours we realized he was still telling jokes. No one laughed harder than he did after each joke. The man was amazing. We said, “Ok, Dad, you can stop now.” My sister, Bonnie, assembled them into a book called “Chet’s Chuckles”. “Don’tcha know? Dat’s for sickert, yeah sure, and you betcha.” Those aren’t spelled correctly, but that is how he sounded. My Dad was Norwegian. Did I mention he prayed before meals in Norwegian? We have that prayer framed by our dinner table.

The Lord took him home so gently. He loved waffles and ice-cream. He was a man of simple pleasures. He asked my sister, Lynelle, for a Dairy Queen milk-shake. She returned with it, he took a bite, smiled and went to heaven. Now that’s how I want to go. I praise God for taking him the way he lived, gently and kindly.

At his funeral each of us seven children spoke of his humor, wisdom, and gentleness. We sang his favorite song, “Silent Night”, in harmony, just the way he liked it. See you, later, Daddy. Thank you the love and legacy you left behind in your children, 20 grandchildren, and 7 great grandchildren. You are dearly loved.

Fast Forward to My Kids’ Father

My father sowed the seeds for me marrying wisely. My husband has also done some truly amazing things for his children. I will just share just one right now. Our son went on a camping trip over-night with a friend, who had a single mom. When we went to pick him up, he wasn’t there. After waiting, calling, pondering, pacing, praying…we began to panic. Had they been kidnapped? Killed? A single mom with children? This was in the dark ages, you know, B.C. Before Cell (phones).

My son’s father, my husband, drove up to Oklahoma from Texas and spent the night searching the camp grounds. (I wonder how many people he may have frightened?) He finally came home even more afraid. There was no sign of them.

As minister to children, and with two other children of our own, I stayed home. I went to work because it was now Sunday morning. My son walked into church, a little dirty, but happy. Yes, they decided to go to another park and spend an extra night, but the mom had “forgotten” to let us know. That’s a separate story, but since this is about what my son’s father did, we’ll let the story stand on that point. I am blessed beyond measure.

I Could BEARly Believe It!

Today I received an email with lots of pictures. A student in 7th grade went on a bear hunting trip with his father because it was very important to this boy to kill a bear. What, you say, did you say, “Kill a bear”? Yes. Now this is no ordinary boy. He was “normal” when he was born. But a childhood illness left him with violent seizures. He is now in a school for children with special needs, and I am blessed to serve on the school board.

Josh is a handsome boy and you can see what kind of teenage boy he could be before the illness robbed him of some abilities. His amazing parents always see the Josh who still can be, and I have the utmost respect for them. Josh has always wanted to kill a bear, his rite-of- passage into manhood. So Dad and Josh went to Canada to find and kill a bear. Very long, adventure story short, after countless obstacles, Josh killed his bear. They found some bears along the way, but every time Josh tried to kill one, in his excitement, he would go into seizures. Then would become too sleepy to continue, and would have to rest. But they persevered…for many days. Finally, the biggest big black bear ever came across their path. Josh had a seizure, but pushed through and killed the bear. His father wept.

Life lessons abound. Josh now knows how much his father loves him and believes in him. He also knows that he can push through obstacles and succeed. He learned this from a father’s love. No one doubts for a moment that Josh can do great things with his life. And now he has a black bear rug to always remind him of the limitless possibilities.

Happy Father’s Day!

Happy Father’s Day to all you fathers who teach life lesson each and every day with the big BEAR lessons, and the little words that you say that can affect your child for a lifetime.

P.S. If you have daughters, I strongly encourage you to read, Bringing Up Girls by James Dobson. You will be deeply impacted by the powerful role you have in forming who your daughter is now and the woman she will become.